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Rev. FEB 2011 5-1 CHAPTER 5 INTRODUCTION TO NEWSWRITING Learning Objectives: Upon completing this chapter, you should be able to do the following: — Identify newsworthiness. — Identify the basic elements of a news story. — Define the ABCs of journalism. — Discuss the use of attribution in a news story. — Explain security, accuracy, propriety and policy (SAPP) in a news story. — Explain process of localizing and rewriting. — Explain difference in print newswriting and broadcast newswriting. — Discuss process of copyediting. INTRODUCTION In previous chapters, you read about the fundamentals and functions of public affairs. As you learned, MCs serve as internal media and work with external media and communities to tell the Navy story. For these reasons, you must possess strong writing skills and understand the "nature of news," or what makes a situation newsworthy. This allows you to successfully promote issues and events to the media and your audiences. The exact definition of news varies from one person to the next; however, one common thread is that news is information people want and need. News is written to inform, peak interest or entertain. News is the timely report of an event of sufficient importance that interests a number of people and possesses a combination of elements of mass appeal. This chapter covers the elements of mass appeal and writing essentials. To understand and employ these skills is to understand how to efficiently and effectively prioritize your efforts as an MC. ELEMENTS OF MASS APPEAL As mentioned ab ove, the definition of news changes from person to person. However, what makes news, news remains typically consistent. We will use 10 major element of mass ap peal to identify the nature of news here. To help you remember these elements of mass appeal, use the acronym ―SPICE COPPS‖ to identify them. See Table 5-1.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-2 Table 5-1 Suspense Consequence Prominence Oddity Immediacy Proximity Conflict Progress Emotion Sex Suspense You most often see the suspense element presented in a day -by-day or hour-by-hour account of a high-visibility event. Examples are a desper ate search for a lost submarine or rescue operations for trapped miners. A news story may not build to a climax the way a mystery does, so it is important that you cite the most important facts first. This practice helps to heighten the suspense of many st o- ries because the ultimate outcome is unknown and is usually revealed through progressive, periodic installments. Prominence Prominence is a one -word way of saying ―names make news.‖ When a person is prominent, like the President of the United States, almost anything he does is newsworthy. Several hundred civi- lians may visit your unit in the course of a month without raising a stir. Yet, if one happens to be a state governor or celebrity , you have a news story packed with prominence. Prominence is not r e- stricted or reserved for VIPs. Some places, things and events have prominence. For example, the White House (a place), the Hope Diamond (a thing) and Fourth of July (an event) all awaken interest. Immediacy Immediacy is timeliness. An event that has just happened is news. One that happened a few days ago is history. Few events of major significance can stand up as news if they fail to meet the test of timeliness. The key here is to get your story out quickly. Conflict Sporting events, wars and revolutions are the most common examples of conflict in the news. Stories that contain this element generally draw the most interest. Man may be pitted against man, team against team, nation against nation or m an against the natural elements. Examples are a story about a pilot struggling to land a crippled plane , a coxswain’s heroic efforts to keep his crowded b oat from capsizing in heavy seas, or Navy taking on Army in the big game. Emotion The emotional element, sometimes called the human -interest element, covers all the feelings that human beings have, including happiness, sadness, anger, sympathy, ambition, hate, love, envy, generosity and humor. Emotion is comedy. Emotion is tragedy. It is the interest man has in mankind. Stories following natural disasters often have emotional ties.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-3 Consequence News of change or news that affects human relations is news of consequence. The more people affected, the greater the news value. A story on the advancement of 2,50 0 petty officers has consequence within the Navy, especially to those who took the exams. A congressional act that raises basic pay by 2.6 percent for everyone in the armed forces is of great consequence both to the Navy and to the public. Oddity An unusual or strange event will help lift a story out of the ordinary. For example, 100-percent advancement to master chief petty officer is definitely newsworthy, considering typical advancement to E-9 is about 1 percent. Proximity Readers are interested in wha t happens close to them. Proximity is the nearness of an event to the readers or listeners and how closely it touches their lives. People are interested news that af- fects them, their families, their ships or stations, their friends, and their hometowns. If Capt. John Smith of Newport, R.I., relieves Capt. Bill Stone of Charlotte, N.C., as commanding officer of Naval Station Annapolis, it is news in the Annapolis, Baltimore and Washington areas and in the two officers’ hometowns. It is not news in Huntsville , Ala., where no one knows either captain or cares particularly who commands a naval station in Maryland. Progress In our technologically advanced society, we are interested in advancements in science, tec h- nology, medicine, etc. Progress in the Navy may not be as dramatic, but it remains significant to our audiences. For example, an improvement in mooring lines, shoe leather or leave chits can be signifi- cant progress. There is a great deal of progress in Navy news stories. The Navy is constantly making progress in seamanship, weapons systems, aeronautics, nuclear propulsion, medicine, habitability, education, human relations, leadership and other fields. Sex Sometimes sex is the biggest, single element in news, or at least it appears to be the element that attracts the most readers. Consider all the stories in papers that involve men and women — mili- tary, sports, financial news, society and crime. The element of sex , however, ranges from front-page sensationalism to news involving women serving on submarin es. Having all Navy Sailors of the year being female definitely fits into this category. One word of caution is be careful not to overemphasize the sexual element unnecessarily as it may be in poor taste for an official Navy release. THE ABCs of JOURNALISM Now that you know what makes news, it’s time to discuss writing the news. When writing, you should adhere to the basic principles of newswriting, otherwise known as the ABCs of journalism – accuracy, brevity and clarity. By doing so, you will build trust and credibility from your audiences. Accuracy is a must for spelling, facts, figures, style, grammar, and policy. If the information you're releasing is incorrect in any way, what's the point? People have to trust you to get the news right. If you can't, you’ve lost your credibility.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-4 Brevity is all about keeping it short. Be concise, and eliminate wordiness and redundancy. Clarity means writing in a way that is under standable to your audience. It’s writing at a middle school reading level. It's putting numbers/statistics in context. It's staying away from slang, technical terms or acronyms and abbreviations readers may not understand. Sometimes, it's very easy to forget that not everyone reading your article is IN the military. You should always write with the knowledge that John Q. Public is also a big part of your audience, even for your internal publication. SAPP Before you proceed further into this chapter, take a moment and review SAPP , discussed in Chapter 3 of this module. Like the ABCs of Journalism, SAPP is extremely important in your role as a Navy MC. SAPP stands for security, accuracy, propriety and policy. DO NOT VIOLATE SAPP . EDITORIALIZING The writer’s personal opinions should never be injected into a news story – this is called edito- rializing. The only persons permitted to express an opinion in a news story are those identified in the story itself. Even then, the opinion quoted must be attributed. Attribution will be discussed later in this chapter. News stories should be written in the th ird person and facts should be reported as they are found, without personal pronouns referring to the writer. Consider the following examples of editorializing in straight news copy, then note the following suggestions offered to eliminate the implied opinions: Poor: Lt. Steven Post is exceptionally well-qualified for the position Improved: Lt. Steven Post, with a degree in law, has eight years of experience as a legal of- ficer Poor: An interesting program is planned for tonight at the Officer’s Club Improved: The program scheduled for the Officer’s Club tonight includes… Poor: The punishment was unjust Improved: The U.S. Court of Military Appeals ruled the punishment imposed by the court- martial was unjust. ANATOMY OF A NEWS STORY An internal news story is one of the best ways to get information out to your command as has been discussed. Taking all of the many things you have learned to this point, it’s time now to start building a news story. But where do you start? Inverted Pyramid Statistics have shown that the average person may only spend about 15 minutes a day rea d- ing the news in hard -copy form or online . Therefore, basic news is written in the inverted pyramid style, which means front -loading the most important facts then continuing through the a rticle in de s- cending order of importance.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-5 The inverted pyramid (See Figure 5 -1) can be broken into three parts – the lead, bridge and the body. This structure allows readers to get the news they want fast so they can move on to the next news item without missing anything essential. In addition to meeting the needs of the typical newsreader, the inverted pyramid also benefits editors and publishers. With the average commercial newsp a- per or online news source containing about 60 percent advertising and 40 percent news, editors and publishers look for ways to save space. So, they cut copy. By using the inverted pyramid, they can delete copy from the bot- tom up and still tell the story without adversely affecting the reader’s understanding of the content.
Figure 5-1, Inverted pyramid. Lead The lead is at the top of the inverted pyramid. It is not only the first and most important par a- graph of a news story; it is the essence of what you know about the event . It is written crisply and tightly and provides the important facts first. Along with a headline, the lead brings the reader into the information. Your lead grabs the reader by the collar and screams ―READ ME!‖. Summary (News) Lead – The most common news lead is the summary lead . A summary lead gives the reader the facts that most clearly and compellingly tell what the story is about, without edito- rializing or including any unnecessary wording. If you’ve done your job, the summary lead will draw the reader into the rest of the story, where other details will be provided. Summary leads contain the five W’s and H of the news story – who, what, why, when, where and how. Why and how are sometimes a given or left out when the information is not available. For example, if a helicopter crashes on a flight deck, the initial news story will not have a why element. This is because an investigation into the ―why‖ must be conducted. A summary news lead is a one-sentence paragraph, 30 words or less. Brevity is important – shorter leads can be hard -hitting – but be certain not to leave out critical information. Another reason for limiting the length of a summary lead is that 30 words equals about one column inch of copy in print. This is long enough for the writer to provide the essential facts, but short enough to keep th e reader's interest. News Peg – A news peg is found in the lead and is the most significant or interesting fact in a story. It is the reason you are writing the news story. Something happened or is scheduled to happen, or there wouldn't be any reason for you to write a story. For example, if there was a fire in housing, then you'd write a story about the fire for the newspaper. The fire is the news peg. Lead Emphasis – From the news peg comes the lead emphasis – the most important of the five W’s or the H. This item is the very first piece of information presented in the summary lead ; it
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-6 receives the most "emphasized" position in the lead. The key to selecting the right lead emphasis is to remember the reader's point of view and the elements of mass appeal. Here are some general rules to guide you in selecting a good lead emphasis: Who or what is most commonly used for the lead emphasis, because readers want to know about other people or what they are doing If the event affects one person, a who lead emphasis works well (e.g., who is receiving an award) If the event affects more than one, a what lead emphasis would work well (e.g., a concert) When and where are seldom used as lead emphases, because they are rarely as important as the who or what. Remember these items must still be included in the lead Why and how are used only when extremely important or unusual. Most often, why and how lead emphases are used in follow-up stories after incident/accident investigations are com- plete. Impersonal Who – Think back once again to the elements of mass appeal and the nature of a subject’s prominence. In newswriting, if you can't be sure your who will be easily recognized, you will use an impersonal who to identify that subject in the lead. Full identification of your who will then be made in the bridge, the second paragraph of your inverted pyramid news story. The impersonal who contains two primary elements – the person’s job title and unit/organization. Here is an example of an impersonal who used in a Navy story: Georgia governor welcomes Navy week By Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class (SW/AW) Davis Anderson, Navy Office of Co m- munity Outreach Public Affairs The governor of Georgia welcomed Atlanta Navy Week 2010 with a proclamation ceremony held at the North Wi ng Rotunda of the Georgia State Capitol building Oct. 13, coinciding with the U.S. Navy's 235th birthday. During his opening remarks, Gov. Sonny Perdue expressed his appreciation for the Navy. Dateweek Before we move on to dicuss the bridge of a news stor y, it’s important to take a minute to di s- cuss the ―when‖ element found in the lead. Dateweek is the tool journalists use to determine whether they should use the day of the week (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, etc.) or the month and date (Sept. 12, Jan. 13, April 10, etc.) to tell readers the when of the news event. Although a common practice in some publications, using both the day of the week and the month/date is redundant. The first step toward understanding dateweek is to remember that it contains a total o f 13 days. It doesn't matter whether your publication is a daily, weekly or monthly -- it's still 13 days from one end to the other.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-7 The 13 days of the newspaper dateweek break down like this: The day in the center is the day your newspaper gets published (hits the streets to be picked up and read by your audience) There are six days before the publication date There are six days after the publication date. The six days before and the six days after the publication date are within the newspaper dat e- week for that week's publication. When an event has taken place or is scheduled to take place within that dateweek window, the when of the event is given using the day of the week (Monday, Saturday, etc.). If the event is scheduled for the day of publication, you should use the word "today." Your verb tense lets the reader know the event has happened or is going to happen. Do not use ―tomorrow,‖ ―yesterday,‖ ―next" and "last." Example (publication day is Thursday, Oct. 21, 2010): The annual haunted trail opens to day at Carr Point and will run each evening through Hall o- ween from 7 to 9 p.m. (Trail opens the day the publication hit the streets.) The annual haunted trail is scheduled to open Friday at Carr Point. (Trail opens Oct. 22.) A meeting to discuss telecommut ing for Sailors stationed in the Jacksonville area was held Monday in the base auditorium. (Event was held Oct. 18, prior to the publication day.) The USS Crommelin’s Family Readiness Group will welcome new members Nov. 2 during its monthly meeting in the Fleet and Family Service Center conference room. (Scheduled date is out of 13-day dateweek range.) When writing about something that is happening or happened in a different year, the year should be included. Punctuation of a day, month and year in a sentence is (notice the year is set off in commas): The U.S. frigate Constitution launched on Oct. 21, 1797, in Boston. Bridge After you have written the lead for a story, what do you do next? In some stories, you will find the transition from the lead to the body of the story a bit awkward. To transition smoothly and stay within the inverted pyramid structure, use a writing device known as a bridge. A bridge is a connecting paragraph between the lead and the body of the story. As with the lead, the bridge is limited to 30 words or less. The bridge builds upon the inform a- tion found in the lead. You can use the acronym WAITS to determine what kind of information might be important to include in the bridge. A bridge contain at least one of the five elements in the acronym WAITS but will usually include at least two. W = W’s or H not included in the lead A = Attribution I = Identification
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-8 T = Tieback information S = Secondary facts. Five W’s and H — As you learned above, the summary lead must contain at least f our of the six news elements: who, what, when and where. These elements of information are reflective of the first questions a reader will usually ask. The why and how, if available, are routinely placed in the bridge, because they are usually not considered so crucial that they must be part of the lead. They al- so tend to be longer pieces of information, which often precludes them being included in the lead. Example: (Lead:) The deadline to update emergency data forms for Sailors here has been extended to Wednesday (Bridge:) The personnel office staff wants to be sure all Sailors have the opportunity to update this information. Attribution – Attribution tells readers the source (person) or authority (directives, regulations, etc.) from which information was obtained. Because a writer cannot inject his own opinions into news, attribution lends credibility to the information. Attribution is seldom used in the lead, but often appears in the bridge. Example: (Lead:) Male Sailors stationed here will no longer be allowed to wear earrings while off duty, beginning Monday (Bridge:) The jewelry has contributed to several fights at downtown clubs, according to Capt. John G. Jones, commanding officer, who instituted the policy after consulting with the base legal office. NOTE: The writer identified a policy change in the lead. An MC doesn’t have the authority to make such changes, so he or she must identify who is setting this policy. In this case, the bridge a l- so contained the why element. Information that needs to be attributed includes: sources of direct or indirect quotes statements of fact that are not readily verifiable or facts that are disputable information that is not common knowledge policy changes opinions – professional (doctors, lawyers, governmental experts, police, etc.) or otherwise. Opinions are views, judgments or appraisals formed in a person’s mind about a particular matter. Not everything absolutely must be attributed, however. Generally, you do not need to attribute facts that are historically true, such as the year the Battle of Gettysburg was fought (1863)
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-9 facts that are easily verifiable, clearly self-evident, commonplace or clear, such as the fact that in our solar system, Venus is the second planet from the sun. When in doubt, ATTRIBUTE. Attribution allows the reader to judge the value of the facts based on the prominence/authority of the source. Guidelines for use of quote and attribution will be di s- cussed later in this chapter. Identification – The ―I‖ in WAITS is identification . This element builds from an impersonal who found in the lead. If an impersonal who is used in the lead, full identification is required in the bridge. Full identification includes the following items (These requirements apply to full identification of sources used in the story body as well): Service — if the person is not a member of the host service, identify the person’s service affil- iation. For example, if you're writing for publication on a Navy base, it's not necessary to identify Navy individuals as being in the Navy. However, you DO have to identify by service any non-Navy service members mentioned in your stories. Example: Army Staff Sgt. Mary Ferguson participated in the training … Rank/paygrade – List rank according to the AP Stylebook (unless the person is a civilian) for external news releases, but follow Navy style for Navy.mil and internal publications Full name – Include a person’s middle initial unless person requests otherwise or does not have a middle initial Age – If the person is deceased or the age adds interest to the story, it should be included. Releasing someone's age is not always possible due to privacy issues; ages of the dead are releasable, but ages of the living may or may not be. In some cases, age is considered es- sential to the story because it has direct bearing on the story's importance. For instance, if a 27-year-old climbs Mount Everest, it's not as big a deal as it would be if an 88-year-old did it. In the case of the 88-year-old, it's essential Hometown – Listing the person’s hometown adds marketability to the story. However, similar to listing one’s age, ensure there are no reasons why this item should not be included. Re- member Fleet Hometown News. Job title – Unless used in the lead, include the person’s job title Organization – Same as job title above. NOTE: Be very careful not to confuse job title, rank/paygrade and service. Each is a completely se p- arate type of identification . "Coast Guard" is not a job title, it's a service. "Petty Officer 2nd Class" is not a job title, it's a rank/paygrade. Once a person has been fully identified, use only the last name in subsequent references u n- less there are two or more people with the same last name mentioned in the story. Example: (Lead:) A journalism instructor at the Defense Information School was named Fort Meade Sailor of the Quarter in a ceremony Tuesday at the post’s Club Meade. (Bridge:) Navy Petty Officer 1st Class Dwight J. Evans teaches basic videography for the Ba- sic Mass Communication Specialist Course.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-10 Tieback – This newswriting device brings the reader up to date on past and present events. It is a short recap frequently is used in follow-up stories. Example: (Lead:) The Canadian icebreaker MacDonald, with the help of U.S. icebreakers Glacier, Sta- ten Island and Northwind, is free from the arctic ice pack that threatened to maroon it until next summer (Bridge:) MacDonald was making the trip back from the research station ice-island T-3 when it began experiencing difficulties in the polar ice. Secondary Facts – Secondary, but significant, facts serve as a transition from lead to body. The bridge is often used to give the reader information that is significant, but not important enough to be placed in the lead. Since the bridge often amplifies the lead with at tribution and identification, sec- ondary facts are often part of this paragraph. Example: (Lead:) Most of Naval Station Newport was without electrical power for three hours after Tuesday's thunderstorm (Bridge:) In addition to downed power lines, several trees were uprooted, and considerable damage to mobile homes was reported at the post trailer court. If well written, you could theoretically print just the lead and the bridge without depriving rea d- ers of any vital information; note how many newspapers u se "news briefs" that are only two or three paragraphs in length. Body To produce a smooth, final story, the lead, bridge and body must coincide. The body is the de- tailed portion of a news story that develops and explains the facts outlined in the lead and bridge. Here again, the importance of a neatly tailored lead cannot be overemphasized. A cumbersome lead is most often followed by a cumbersome body. But when a lead has done its job, it provides a blue- print for the orderly organization of facts in the body of the story. Guided by the idea of news importance, the writer proceeds through the story by selecting the next most important incident, fact or detail, then the next important, and so on, until reaching the least important of all. At this point, th e writer has reached the apex of the inverted pyramid with material of least value. The writer now knows that the editor can slice one, two, or three paragraphs from the bot- tom of his story without depriving the reader of the story’s chief news elements. The table below shows a diagram of a straight news story structure.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-11 A hard news story doesn't have a formal conclusion. It just ends when you run out of informa- tion that pertains to the story. Remember, after the lead and the bridge, all or part of the body should be easy to cut without losing valuable information; that's the beauty of the inverted pyramid. Organization is the key. Answer the questions that are most important to the readers first. And produce in the body what you promise in the lead: if the lead says the story is about a fire, then you must restrict the body of the story to giving information only about that fire. Always include all avail a- ble information that does not violate security, accuracy, policy or propriety. It is not your job as a r e- porter to decide what gets cut and what does not; that's the editor's job. If you've written the story in inverted pyramid style, nothing truly important will be lost. Tips for writing the body: Don't bury important information in the body. Never assume readers will get that far into your story After the lead and bridge, stick to "one idea per paragraph" construction, but break up para- graphs that get too long (three sentences per paragraph is about the max) Keep sentences short: 30 words or less works all the way through a news story Keep sentences simple: whenever you can, use subject-verb-object structure. That doesn't mean you will never use passive voice. Considerations such as the correct lead emphasis may force you to write a passive-voice sentence Use easy-to-understand words and phrases. Write to EXpress, not IMpress! Use strong, active, accurate verbs, but be careful with adjectives. Do not editorialize Be specific and accurate. Is he a sergeant or a technical sergeant Avoid repeating facts Smooth out your writing by eliminating words that do not add meaning. Remember brevity Don't use the same word to start every sentence/paragraph. A commonly repeated beginning word is "the" Use vivid quotes to liven up the story Let the editor decide what to discard, but if a quote or phrase is speculative and/or lacks au- thority, throw it out. SUMMARY LEAD A Navy officer who had never before taken control of a single-engine aircraft brought an Air Force spotter plane in for a rough, but-successful landing Oct. 12 at Eglin Air Force Base. FACT 1 (bridge) Lt. John G. Smith of Jackson, Miss., walked away from the emergency landing only ―slightly shaken up,‖ said Air Force Col. Arnold Phillips, Eglin’s senior medial officer. FACT 2 The incident came about after the pilot, Capt. Fred Johnson, 28, died of a heart attack dur- ing a routine training mission over the Gulf of Mexico in an area 60 miles southwest of the base. FACT 3 A former enlisted man, Smith served as an aerial photographer for several years and credits his general familiarity with aircraft in helping him land the plane. FACT 4 Presently assigned to Eglin as a Navy liaison officer, Smith reported to his present duty sta- tion in July 2009.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-12 Using quotes – Quotes should not only be used in the bridge b ut also in the body of the story. They add variety, authenticity and a "voice" to the news. Unfortunately, some reporters don't attribute the spoken word correctly. They think they can just put quotation marks around anything they like, or toss in an opinion and not mention the source of that information. When using quotes, remember this very basic, but important, rule: Direct quotes are verbatim spoken words or to-the-letter published material. Anything else is paraphrased, or indirect, informa- tion. NEVER fabricate a quote or alter a quote and leave it in quote marks , not even to fix som e- one's grammar. Doing so is the same as altering a photograph (as you will learn in Module 2): it is un- ethical and dishonest because it is changing the facts. It is not a journalist's job to change the facts, but to report them. Use quotes sparingly and only when they are memorable. Quotes set off controversial materi- al, helping fortify a point and highlighting language. Quote abuse is one of the most common problems in j ournalism. Beginning journalists tend to quote material that doesn't say anything unique. For instance, if you quoted the commander saying, "The duty day runs from 0730 to 1630," you would start losing your readers. This type of quote is ne i- ther memorable nor effective. It’s common, easily verifiable information. A good rule for knowing when to use quotation marks, according to successful freelance writer Art Spikol, is to "Use them to set off revealing, significant statements -- not to give statements signific- ance." Direct Quotes – A direct quote states EXACTLY what a person said, EXACTLY the way he or she said it, and it appears inside quotation marks: "Our graduates serve both soldiers and the American taxpayer," said Hobson. "The public's in- terest must be our interest. There is no excuse for fiscal irresponsibility; the public won't accept it, and neither should we." Direct quotes must never be altered, for any reason whatsoever. If a quote is too "bad" to use verbatim because of grammatical errors or for other reasons, paraphrase and run it as an indirect quote. Indirect Quotes – When you change the words someone said while leaving the meaning intact, the result is an indirect quote, or paraphrasing. Quotation marks are NOT used with indirect quotes: School graduates serve both soldiers and the American taxpayer, said Hobson. "The public's interest must be our interest . There is no excuse for fiscal irresponsibility; the public won't accept it, and neither should we." When paraphrasing, make absolutely sure you ARE NOT changing the meaning of what the person said. If you do, you have not reported the facts accurately. Partial Quotes – When you use some , but not all , of a direct quote, you're using a partial quote. Only the portion of the quote that's used verbatim should appear inside quotation marks. Direct Quote: "For 50 years, we have tried to provide the Army with finance officers who can move tanks, troops and mountains with their comptroller skills," Hobson said. "That's the power of the
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-13 purse string in today's Army. We need finance officers who can handle the task fairly and with fiscal responsibility." Combination using partial quotes (underlined for training purposes): For 50 years, the school has worked to provide Army officers who can "move tanks, troops and mountains with their comptro l- ler skills," said Hobson. "That's the power of the purse string in today's Army. We need finance officers who can handle the task fairly and with fiscal responsibility." Partial quotes should not be used frequently. If you use them at all, try to limit them to one or two per story, maximum. Usually it's better to use a direct or indirect quote than to resort to a partial quote, but they can be used occasionally for variety. Here's why: People begin to wonder what you're omitting -- and why Partial quotes can be hard to read and interpret They interrupt the normal flow of a sentence. Tips for using quotes (reiterating from the information above): Don't let quotes tell the entire story. Sprinkle them throughout. Don't "slosh" them everywhere Provide the quote itself before the attribution most of the time, because what is said is more important than who said it. Mix it up occasionally only for variety's sake Keep the person's name and the attributive verb together Correct example: "...," said Carlton F . Fisk, a civilian machinist Incorrect example: "...," Carlton F . Fisk, a civilian machinist, said Don't use words such as "thinks," "feels," "believes," etc., as attributive verbs; "said" is the best attributive verb for ANY type of attribution Be consistent with attributive verb tense: use either past tense (said) or present tense (says) throughout, but not both in the same story. Past tense is preferred. (This applies to other verbs in the story, too Use first-person personal pronouns (I, me, we, our, us, etc.) only in direct quotes. If you pa- raphrase a quote, you must change personal pronouns to words such as he, she, they, them, etc When you begin to quote a new person, begin a new paragraph. Mixing quotes/information from two or more people in the same paragraph causes reader confusion When mixing direct and indirect quotes in the same paragraph, place the attribution with the direct quote. Never leave a direct quote hanging without attribution NEVER alter a quote and still use quote marks — not even to "fix" grammar problems. How- ever, punctuation is fixable as long as it does not change the meaning of the quote NEVER FABRICATE A QUOTE. Your job is to report the news, not make it up.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-14 EXTERNAL PRESS RELEASES The information above outlines the anatomy of a news story. This structure is geared toward internal news releases, but the information is also applicable to externally released products. External releases are sent to external news media for dissemination to the American public. Before you send an external release to the media, be sure to carefully evaluate the informa- tion’s news value and related it to the external audience. By doing so, you stand a better chance of having the release used by the media. News/Media/Press releases The primary difference between the internal news stories written for your command publication and the external release written for the news media is the audience. External releases are used to send stories outside your internal audience area. Most public af- fairs offices have release forms and established formats. While form styles and formats may differ from shop to shop, the information is released basically the same way. Types of external releases Hard news external releases fall into four general categories: "Kudos" stories feature hometown stories or award ceremonies. (Do not release proposed awards) Announcement stories feature contract awards, public safety announcements, gate closings, exercises and their impact on communities, etc Public event stories feature public visitation, tours, changes of command, etc Accident/incident releases inform of accidents/incidents involving military assets, including people and property. Note: An external release can also be a feature story. You'll learn more about features in Chapter 7. Datelines A dateline is a journalist tool unique to external releases. It tells the reader where the story ori- ginated (was written). It does not necessarily tell where the news event happe ned, which is why we often use words like "here" as the where element in leads. Datelines must be used on all releases sent to external media. You should also find them on stories received from outside sources. The reason for this is to make sure the reader understands the story was not written at your unit but was filed or submitted from another source. Commonly, you will see datelines from Navy News Service, Army News Service, Air Force Print News, Navy Exchange Command, etc. Datelines are not needed for internal stories you generate that will appear in your internal pub- lication.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-15 A little history: Before modern technology, when news took days to travel across the Atlantic or across the country, the date the story was written was much more in doubt than it is today. There- fore, the date the story was wri tten appeared in the dateline — hence the name. Today, the date is usually within 24 hours and can be easily determined by reading the time reference in the lead (date- week). So while we still call them dateli nes, a more accurate description might be "placelines." You may still see dates in datelines in news sites on the Internet, but they are not commonly used els e- where. Format – Datelines are written in a specific format to ensure consistency throughout the m e- dia. The dateline is found at the very beginning of the news story in the same paragraph as the lead. It consists of a city and state or city and country, and is followed by a dash – a dash, not a hyphen. The city is written in capital letters, while the state or country is not. Some cities, both nationally and internationally, are prominent enough, however, that the state or country is not needed. These cities are identified in the datelines entry of the AP Stylebook. For r e- leases sent to Navy.mil, Great Lakes, Norfolk, San Diego, Pearl Harbor and Arlington stand alone as well due to their strong Navy ties. EXAMPLES: NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla . — Navy Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps (NJROTC) units from schools throughout Florida gathered to compete in personnel inspection, drill, color guard, ac a- demics and athletics at the 3rd annual Mitchell Mustang Stampede at J. W. Mitchell High School, Oct. 16. NEW AMSTERDAM, Guyana — The Continuing Promise 2010 (CP10) Partnership of the Americas mission aboard USS Iwo Jima (LHD 7) dropped anchor just off the coast of New Amste r- dam, Guyana, Oct. 17. The local angle The lead for an external release differs from an internal news lead. One of the 5Ws or the H is still used for lead emphasis, but the information is eva luated and applied a little differently. In an e x- ternal release, you must establish two things. The first is the local angle. The local angle lets an editor immediately recognize why the story is important to his au- dience The local angle is the lead emphasis; it will be the first few words of the lead, immediately fol- lowing the dateline. Say you are in Peoria, Ill., and you see a story with a lead that reads (Original article edited to be used as an example:) PEARL HARBOR — The director of the Universal P icture's movie "Battleship" hand -picked a Sailor assigned to the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76) to be a part of the movie while it was filming at Joint Base Pearl Harbor – Hickam on Sept.13-14. Petty Officer 2nd Class Jane L. Sailor was playing soccer for a U.S. Navy team during a Rim of the Pacific (RIMPAC) 2010 sports game last July when the director, Peter Berg took notice of her and wanted her to be part of the movie as an extra and a military technical advisor to Rihanna.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-16 Why would the audiences in Peoria care about this news story? By reworking the release a bit, you can target the article to the Peoria audience. PEARL HARBOR — A 1992 graduate of Peoria High School, currently serving as a gunner’s mate aboard the aircraft carrier USS Ron ald Reagan (CVN 76), was hand-picked by the director of the Universal Picture's movie "Battleship" to be a part of the movie while it was filming at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam on Sept. 13-14. Petty Officer 2nd Class Jane L. Sailor playing soccer for a U.S. Navy team during a Rim of the Pacific (RIMPAC) 2010 sports game in July when the director, Peter Berg, took notice of her and hired her to be the military technical advisor to Rihanna. Military tie The second necessary item in an external news lead is the military tie. This is the public rela- tions side of PA. If you don’t have a military, or Navy, tie to the release, you have no reason to send from your PA shop. The military tie explains to the editor why it is coming from your command on your news release letterhead. In stories about individuals, the individual's job title (or rate/rank) and unit often double as the military tie. In these cases, the military tie is often set off by commas: PEARL HARBOR – A 1992 graduate of Peoria High School, curre ntly serving as a gunner’s mate aboard the aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76), was hand -picked by the director of the Universal Picture's movie "Battleship" to be a part of the movie while it was filming at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam on Sept. 13-14. The rest of the lead Remember, whether a lead is for internal or external publication, you must still ensure: It contains a who, what, when and where (at a minimum). It is one sentence, 30 words or less. It contains an external dateweek. An external dateweek for external releases you send out is figured the same way as for an i n- ternal release, but the publication date is different. The publication date for an external releases is the day the release is sent to the media. This date is also found in the header of the release (more to follow on release headers). When you use the word "today" in an external release, it means the date on the release. The date on the header must be correct. If you put the wrong date on a release and use the word "today" in the story, you have created a major error in fact. External release header The template used by your shop for external releases is at the discretion of the PAO. However, the header of your choice must contain the command’s name and address, point-of-contact informa- tion, a release number and release instructions. Recipients of the release will need this information if they have follow-up questions or concerns. One word of caution when creating your template: Using
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-17 your command logo or creative graphics is discouraged as these items are typically large and will clog people’s inboxes. Release Number – News releases should be tracked for accountability and cataloging purpos- es. Most shops use the number, hyphen, year format. In the example above, the release number, #01-10, identifies that the release is the first release for 2010. Traditionally, hard copies of releases were logged and kept in the office. Today many shops keep only electronic copies. Release Instructions – Most of the external releases you se nd will be ―FOR IMMEDIATE R E- LEASE,‖ which means you want the media to use the information right away. Another option is to use "EMBARGO UNTIL <date>", telling the editor to hold the information until the date specified. Keep in mind, editors and journalists are under no obligation to honor an embargo. Some shops use ―hold for release‖ vice ―embargo until.‖ External Release Bridge/Body Rules and guidance for writing the bridge of an external story remain the same . The bridge should be kept to one sentence, 30 words or less. In the body of an external release, you will again use the inverte d pyramid style of newswrit- ing. The difference is the audience and the organization of the remaining facts. What is important to a military audience may not necessarily be the same with an external audience. Therefore, the order of the information should be arranged to include any local angle information up front. When organizing your facts, ask yourself what impact each has on the reading audience. Don’t leave out information; just arrange it differently if necessary. NEWS RELEASE
COMMAND ADDRESS COMMAND NAME PHONE/EMAIL DATE OF RELEASE RELEASE NUMBER/YEAR (#1-10)
RELEASE INSTRUCTIONS
[FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE OR
EMBARGO UNTIL(DATE HERE)] HEADLINE
Byline
DATELINE – NEWS LEAD
BRIDGE
FACT
FACT
###
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-18 All releases, internal and external, should end with a c ode to let the reader know that there is no additional copy. Historically, the codes ―XXX‖ and ― -30-― have been used. ―XXX‖ originated during the Civil War when copy was sent over telegraph lines. It is also the Roman numeral for 30, thus in- spiring the ―-30-― ending. Modern press tends to use ―###,‖ while many Navy commands use ―USN.‖ MEDIA ADVISORY A media advisory is an abbreviated form of a news releas e intended to encourage the media to cover an event themselves. The news advisory is normally no more than a page in length and i n- cludes a compact -description of the event. Pertinent information, such as the date, time, location, specific details, and the significance of the event, also should be included. You may disseminate the news advisory in the same manner as a news release. This is an example of an advance story. When constructing an advance story, you must devel- op strong local angles, noting events or items that will be of particular interest. The inverted pyramid structure is appropriate for the advance story. Consider the elements of mass appeal when you are formulating your lead. Emphasize the magnitude of the story or stress the unusual, dependi ng on the topic. The lead will generate interest by stating the most notable parts of the event first. As with all public affairs products, planning is key. Schedule your advance stories appropriate- ly, ensuring that you give the media adequate time to plan coverage. However, don’t exploit the event and always ensure the event is a legit one. ACCIDENT/INCIDENT STORY Accidents and incidents happen in the Navy, and Navy MCs play a key role in informing the public during these times. As mentioned in earlier c hapters, the principles of information guide us to release as much information as we can with a minimum time delay. The goal for releasing an initial accident story is one hour with coordination with all other pertinent persons at your command. The initial release is written as a hard news story with some exceptions. The initial release will leave many unanswered questions, because within one hour of such an event, much may not be known. However, you should be able to gather basic information: A dateline Initial number of killed and/or injured Brief description of the accident or incident, to include the what, when and where A next-of-kin statement – ―The names of the dead and injured are being withheld pending no- tification of next of kin‖ Information regarding search and rescue operations A statement of investigation. ―The cause of the accident (incident) is under investigation.‖ You must ensure no information is released that violates privacy rights of surviving service members or their family members. Home addresses must never be released.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-19 LOCALIZE AND REWRITE In the external release portion, you learned that in a PA shop you not only send out news st o- ries, but you also receive releases from outside sources. Before you publish this information, you must localize and/or rewrite the release to meet the needs of your audience. The principles of localiz- ing and rewriting are the same as those for newswriting. The following are six reasons for localizing and/or rewriting: To localize general information To improve poor copy To update material To transform informal reports into properly written news stories To combine two or more stories To change story emphasis. Once you identify a story that may be of interest to your readers, it’s time to begin the localiza- tion and rewriting. Localizing straight news stories means gathering facts about the local news peg, writing a lead that emphasizes the local angle, then providing the other details (both local and nonlo c- al) in descending order of importance. Localize by gathering information from local sources , subject- matter experts at your command who can help tell how the story affects your audience. For example, when the Navy released information about the rolling out of the new working uni- forms, MCs fleetwide contacted local uniform shops and command leadership to find out when the uniforms would be available in their area and what local policies would be set regarding the wear of the new uniforms. Attributing sources – Readers want to know the source of the material they’re reading, so they can trust in it. So, be sure to credit the news service material you localize. You can do this by inclu d- ing a tagline at the end of your story. For example: (Information from a Navy message was used in this story.) Remember that just because you are crediting the news release does not mean you will a l- ways use all of the information verbatim. The majority of the information will be rewritten and reorg a- nized to best serve your audience. Quotations – Direct quotations from the original news release, however, should be used verba- tim, but make sure you accurately adjust the source’s identification information for use in your publica- tion. For example, in a news release with a Washington dateline, a source identified as Navy Capt. John J. Sm ith, the director of emergency services here, should be rewritten to properly ID where Capt. Smith is located. In your updated article for a Norfolk publication, you would list him as Capt. John J. Smith, the director of emergency services in Washington, D.C. FOLLOW-UP STORY A follow-up story is one that ties back to a previous story and informs the reader of the most up-to-date information. A follow-up story is only released when new information is available. For ex- ample, information received about a Sailor previously listed as missing has been found calls for a fol- low-up story.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-20 When writing the follow-up story, the new information becomes the lead emphasis and a new lead is written surrounding this information.
Original release: NORFOLK – A search is underway today off the coast of Cape Hatteras, N.C., for a USS Mi t- scher (DDG 57) Sailor who was reported missing today after not showing up for a 12:15 p.m. muster. Follow-up story: NORFOLK – A Sailor assigned to USS Mitscher (DDG 57) was rescued at 5:40 p .m. today af- ter spending five hours in the water off the coast of North Carolina. The Sailor, whose identification is being held pending the notification of his next of kin, was re- ported missing following a 12:15 p.m. crew muster. If you are following up on an accident story to identify people who were killed or injured, you must ensure that all next -of-kin notifications have made and you meet the 24 -hour requirement. The names of the killed and injured are typically found in the bridge of the story. Howe ver, if 10 or more people were involved you may want to co nsider waiting until the end of the release. No matter where you place the information, it is important to list the individuals in alphabetical order. SPORTSWRITING The straight sports story is no more than a straight news story about a sports event. The same rules for accuracy, brevity a nd clarity apply. The summary — although it contains seven elements — should summarize the story. Who played whom What sport did they play What was the score (who won) Where did the event take place When did it take place How was the contest won (last-second field goal, etc.) What happened. EXAMPLE: MUNCIE, Ind. (AP) — Junior Chandler Thompson poured in 32 points and hauled down 14 re- bounds to lead the Ball State C ardinals to their 14th straight victory, a 78 -61 rout of Nebraska, in co l- lege basketball here Saturday. In the bridge, you should provide a solid transition into the body. It can introduce information about the significance of the contest or add supporting facts. EXAMPLES:
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-21 The victory improved the Cardinal’s record to 21 -5 and marked the third straight year they have won at least 20 games. OR Thompson, a 6 -foot-4 forward with a vertical leap of 44 inches, has now scored 30 or more points six times this season and grabbed 10 or more rebounds 11 times. The bridge in the second game story can tie back to the earlier game by recapping how game one was won. With the significance of the outcome, don’t wait until the bridge to tell readers someone won the championship. This must be in the lead. EXAMPLE: (Lead) Three-hit pitching by Toby White sparked Naval Station Norfolk’s Sharks to a 4-1 tri- umph in Game 2 and a championship win over Joint Expeditionary Base Little Creek’s Gators in Hampton Roads’ slow-pitch softball action Wednesday night at D.B. Sailor Memorial Sta- dium here. (Bridge) In Game 1 on Tuesday night, Sharks shortstop Tom Theodonis led the lineup with three hits, including a three-run home run, giving the Sharks a 5-4 win. The body should provide detailed information, inverted pyramid style. However, a new writer or non-sports fan may not be able to distinguish most important to least important, so chronological order can be used until the writer becomes more familiar with the sport. Common sense - and that really is what sportswriting is -- should dictate what details are i n- cluded. In football, scoring plays usually are relatively infrequent. So, you probably should mention each one, usually in a one-or two-sentence paragraph. In basketball, on the other hand, individual scoring plays are numerous. To recount how every point was scored would require a small booklet. The story, consequently, should include key scoring plays and a listing of collective scoring contributions for both teams. True sports fans greatly appreciate a box score. Sports fans are statistic -oriented, and the more statistics, the better. A box score is usually added at the end of the story in bold type smaller than regular copy type. The sports headline, like its straight news counterp art, is a ―superlead‖ condensed summary of who-beat-whom-by-how-much. Usually there isn’t room to get into the How element in a headline, but if the room is there, it makes for stronger headline content. (We will talk about headlines in a sub- sequent chapter of this module.) Sharks clip Gators 7-6 Unlike many other areas of potential coverage, there’s usually a lot more sports at the average installation than the newspaper has the staff to cover or the space to print. So some selection process is necessary. Your unit, for example, probably has six to 12 slow -pitch softball games on tap Mondays through Thursdays during the softball season. To cover each game with a story and photos would r e- quire a huge sports staff and many pages of copy. A better idea is to s elect a weekly game or two to cover in complete story forms.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-22 Criteria for picking the games might include consequence (a meeting of two undefeated teams or even two winless teams) or prominence (the defending unit champions against last year’s runners - up). Other games can be covered by publishing results in ―line score‖ form. Included at the end of the synopsis could be the schedule for upcoming weeks. Some knowledge of the sport you’re going to write about is necessary. No matter if you are a sports’ fan or not, research of the subject should be conducted before heading for the ball diamond or gym. Read the news, check out the sports chapter in the AP Stylebook, and watch television to learn about sports. The guideline for coverage is the newspaper audienc e. If enough people at your command participate in an activity, they deserve space in the sports pages. If someone relevant to the reade r- ship wins a marksmanship contest, races go -carts, runs the Boston Marathon or once played against Lebron James, that someone is an excellent subject for the sports page in the form of a feature. Whatever the sport, enough research material is available to enable the writer to write a good story. Remember, the sports story is just a straight news story about a sports event. Sports verbs The basic sports story is about someone losing and someone winning. To make that worth reading, sports writers and their editors have developed synonyms without end for win and lose. Still, working against a deadline, writers are likely to g o with a handful of old favorites. Some guidelines and an incomplete glossary of accumulated sports slang below may be helpful in preventing such embarrassments. Avoid kill, murder, assault and the like. These are serious criminal offenses and are not ap- propriate for describing sporting events Take care with names that have other meanings: O’Rourke crucifies St. Paul Intransitive verbs need no object and make shortest heads Be precise. When the score is 4-2, the verb is not smash, slaughter or skunk. — WIN: win, rip, nip, axe, bag, top, set, get, nail, lead, trim, beat, best, clip, down, dump, fell, lead, lick, post, sink, slam, whip, score, upend, topple, defeat, subdue, sew up, outrun, deliver, advance, overhaul, overcome, outclass, pull off/down, outpoin t, outfight, knock off/out/over, clinch title, turn back, polish off, advance on/over, nail down (a championship). — CLOSE WIN: nip, trim, clip, snip, edge, squeak, slither, hold off, eke/edge/nose out, outlast, stagger in, squeeze by/through, come from behind. — SURPRISE WIN: foil, halt, stun, upset, shock, stupefy, surprise, roll/turn back, overturn, bring to a halt (a winning streak). — EASY WIN: push/walk over, coast past, romp/waltz/breeze in, romp/waltz home. — BIG WIN: zap, ruin, whip, drub, rom p, rout, bury, blast, sting, whomp, crush, wallop, riddle, smash, whack, wreck, punish, roll to/over/post, thrash, squash, sweep, shellac, dazzle, plaster, clobber, explode, mop up, humble, burn up, overrun, trample, flatten, c a-
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-23 kewalk, triumph, triumph over, humiliate, trounce, clean up, annihilate, slaughter, pulverize, wipe out, mow down, massacre, bulldoze, steam -roll, romp/bowl/trample over, overwhelm, overpower, embarrass, exterminate, walk/climb all over, run/walk away with, give a plaster- ing/shellacking/trimming. — PREVENT SCORING : zip, ace, deny, sack, blank, skunk, choke (off), shut off/out/down, hogtie, whitewash, paralyze, goose egg, short-circuit, scuttle. — TIE: (―ed‖ verbs need two subjects) tie, draw, break even, stalemate, deadlock. Also: even series at, break even with, deadlock with. — FAIL TO SCORE: draw a blank, lay a goose egg, blanked, shut off/out/down (Use sui t- able verbs from PREVENT SCORING list and make passive). BROADCAST WRITING As an MC your first encounter with broadcast writing will be as a radio or television newswriter or the editor of an electronic newsgathering package . In one of these assignments your job will be to meet the deadlines and rigid standards of the electronic media with the Navy’s news story. Radio news style is dictated by the need for grabbing and holding the attention of an audience. When scripting broadcast copy, you will face many subjective choices that can only be made by using your own common sense. For copy to serve any worthwhile purpose, it must be the kind of news story or radio spot the individual radio stations in your geographical area desire and are able to use. Initially, be aware that writing for broadcast media is not the same as writing for print media. While the same rules of SAPP apply, there are a number of differences, particularly in writing style. Broadcast copy is written and designed for the ear, so the listener becomes involved and feels as though he is a part of the event being reported. Each line of broadcast copy, or 10 words, equals approximately four seconds on air. There- fore, you will need seven to eight lines, on average, to produce a 30-second piece. THE SIX C’s Broadcast copy must measure up to the following six C ’s: Clear, Concise, Complete, Conver- sational, Current and Correct Clear Clear copy is written in a simple, easy -to understand manner. It is developed in a logical way, flows smoothly and is easy for the listener to follow. Even the simplest story may be misunderstood on the basis of one’s hearing. The listener’s attention may be divided between any number of distra c- tions. Therefore, a radio news story should be perfectly clear to avoid misinterpretation. In broadcast writing, simple words say it best. Choose words that everyone will understand — the announcer as well as the listener. Do not ignore colorful or descriptive words. However, steer clear of flowery phrases and clichés that simply take up time and are of no value. Avoid slang and always translate military, technical, legal and foreign terms into simple language.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-24 Concise Avoid jamming too many thoughts or numbers into one sentence. Generally, sentences that are more than 25 words contain more than one thought and should be rewritten into separate se n- tences. The same principle applies to dependent and independ ent clauses. They are often very cu m- bersome, so write them as separate sentences. You have concise copy when all unnecessary words have been trimmed away and only those words essential to convey your thoughts remain. Complete For the broadcast story to be complete, you must include in it at least four of print journalism’s five ―Ws.‖ You will normally state what happened in your lead sentence, to whom it happened, when it happened, and where it happened. Why and how generally are not critical, although to b e complete, some stories will require this information. Conversational Like good conversation, broadcast writing is informal and free -flowing. Write the way you talk. Let the story tell itself. Conversational tone sounds ―right‖ to the audience and allows the announcer to easily decipher the idea of the story. Do not include hard-to-pronounce words or combinations of words that are awkward to the ear. Also, rid your copy of words that might be unfamiliar to your listen- ers. Current News of a perishable natur e is usually hard news. If you have a story of immediate news va l- ue, you should expedite its completion and delivery to the media. By the same token, if there are new facts or circumstances relevant to your initial release, a follow -up story should be prov ided (and marked as an update). The new or changed elements of the story should be identified to reduce poss- ible confusion with information in the original release. Correct The hallmark of writing, whether print or broadcast, is the accurate presentation of facts. Your finished product must correspond accurately with the facts of the story. In the field, you will follow every possible lead to get the facts as well as report them. BROADCAST COPY FORMAT When writing broadcast copy, start with a general ―what-happened‖ lead followed by a body of significant facts. This body of information does not have to include all the facts of the story, since i n- cluding the who, what, where, when, why and how in the lead would be too cumbersome. The lead sentence must gain the attention of the listeners and orient them on the facts that will follow in the body of the story. When you begin a story with a person’s name or a number, you risk the possibility of that i n- formation escaping your listener. It is much better to say, ―A San Diego Sailor was cited for heroism today,‖ than to say, ―Seaman Phillip Jones was cited for heroism today.‖ Start the story with a general ―what happened‖ lead; then mention the recipient by name.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-25 Names and Titles – In the case of names and titles being used together, titles should precede names. It should be ―San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders‖ not ‖Jerry Sanders, San Diego Mayor." Alert your listener to whom you are about to name by prefixing the name with the person’s title. You should refer to federal office holders by title or as ―mister.‖ For example, you would use ―President Obama‖ or ―Mr. Obama,‖ ―Mr. Biden,‖ or ―Vice President Biden,‖ ―Senator Sanders,‖ or ―Mr. Sanders.‖ If a difficult name is unessential, use only the person’s title, such as ―The Ambassador from Nigeria ...‖ Initials – Generally, it is better to omit middle initial s unless it is a well -known part of the pe r- son’s name, such as William F. Buckley or John F. Kennedy. In the case of former president George W. Bush, using his middle initial is crucial so that he is not confused with his father, former president George H.W. Bush. Words – In broadcast writing, you must be aware of certain categories of words that are p o- tential trouble areas. These categories are explained in the following text. Contractions – In day-to-day conversations, contractions are used liberally. Therefore, you should use contractions whenever possible to add to the ―conversationality‖ of your broad- cast copy Pronouns – Using personal pronouns in broadcast copy can cause confusion. When you use ―he,‖ ―she‖ or ―they,‖ make certain there is no doubt in the listener’s mind to whom you are referring. The ear cannot go back and pick up the identification. Repeat the noun if there is any question Alliterations – Beware of alliterations. When you compose a sentence consisting of several words beginning with the same vowels or consonants, you have alliteration, and the an- nouncer may have a problem. For example, ―THE WESTERLY WIND WHISTLED WILDLY.‖ Sibilants – Beware of too many sibilants, or ―s‖ and ―sh‖ sounds, as they tend to create a hissing sound when read aloud Phonetic Spelling – If you are concerned about mispronouncing names and places, you can limit the possibility by writing the phonetic spelling of the word in parentheses immediately following the troublesome word. For example: CAPTAIN ANTOINE (AN-TWAN) SPOKE TODAY ... The Associated Press online offers phonetic spellings and pronunciations of items of news interest Numbers – Numbers present special problems to the broadcast writer. For the sake of clari- ty, broadcasters have developed their own style with numbers. Any number that begins a sentence is always written out Conversational Numbers – Make numbers conversational. Round out figures unless the exact figure is essential to your story. For example, $1,527 would become 15-HUNDRED DOLLARS. However, exact numbers must be used if your story deals with deaths or other subjects requiring exact statistics Dates – Write dates as OCTOBER 1ST, 2ND, 3RD, 4TH and 31ST, and use four-digit num- erals for years, such as 1979 or 1994.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-26 BROADCAST COPY STYLE The most successful broadcast writers write the way people talk in their daily conversations. They write as if they were telling the story to a friend. As an experiment, start not icing the lengths of sentences used in normal conversation. You will even find that we do not always talk in complete sen- tences. Quite often we speak in fragments, especially if everyone engaged in the conversation is f a- miliar with the subject matter. Uppercase vs. Lowercase – Broadcast copy is written in all capital letters or uppercase and lowercase. There are merits for each style. We are used to reading in uppercase and lowercase, and the patterns of words are easier to distinguish. If both uppercase and lowercase are used, you can al- so use caps for emphasis. However, the wire services use all caps and the all -capital style conforms to that format. Your job is to determine the best style for your releases and use it. Sticking to one style only, within the context of a story, also is important. Be consistent! Present Tense – Using the present tense in broadcast news gives the copy an air of immedi a- cy and it gives the listener a sense of participation. However, the verb tense that is most natural to a situation will be the most effective. Every story does not have to sound as if it happened the moment before the newscaster went on the air. Active Voice – Write your broadcast copy in the active voice. Active voice provides impact, which is extremely important to a broadcaster. Passive voice can weaken the impact of a sentence. Look at the following example: MILITARY POLICE SEIZED THE EVIDENCE. (Active) THE EVIDENCE WAS SEIZED BY THE MILITARY POLICE. (Passive) Do not confuse the active voice with past tense. Th e active voice can apply to past, present and future tenses. Active voice does not necessarily mean the present tense! Subject -verb-object is the best indicator of the active voice structure. Punctuation – Punctuation in broadcast writing is used to help t he announcer read the copy aloud. The Period – The period indicates the end of a sentence or thought. More periods are used in broadcast writing because broadcast writing sentences are generally shorter and more conversatio n- al. The Comma – Use a comma to indicate a pause shorter than that of the period. Do not use a comma unless you want the announcer to pause. The Hyphen – Use the hyphen to help announcers in phrasing difficult words and to instruct them on how to pr onounce individual elements distinctly. Note the following examples: RE- ADJUSTED, RE-EVALUATE, CO-OPERATE, RE-ALLOCATE, W-C-O-A, F-B-I, Y-M-C-A COPYEDITING Learning how to write for publication or broadcast is only the beginning of telling your story. Before you send copy to your editor, you h ave to check and recheck your work. This is called copy e- diting. The ability to copyedit is the cornerstone of all public affairs products – your command news- paper, a news release for the external media, public affairs guidance, the unit website or any othe r
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-27 product your shop produces. Every time you produce a product, you are putting your credibility on the line – your credibility with your commander and your customers, those who use your product. When the paper looks bad and contains a lot of errors, the trust is gone – both from your commander and all of your various audiences. Stories are harder to come by because potential sources are afraid to talk to you. When you need subject -matter experts to brief the news media or handle a tour through their units, they may be less inclined to support. You need to learn to write in a manner that conveys what you want to say quickly and clearly. To do that, you need to be able to copyedit.
Helpful tips when copyediting: When submitting your copy for editing — Put your last name on the draft at a minimum. — Include ―more‖ at the bottom center of each page; ―30,‖ ―USN,‖ or similar command - specific notification at the bottom center of the last page. This lets the editor know to e xpect more or not when he reaches the end of each page. Try reading and copyediting the text using a step-by-step method — Read copy once without making any changes. — Read copy backward, focusing on the spelling and usage of each word. When you find a synonym, you will need to read the sentence forward to ensure proper usage. — Read the copy forward, sentence by sentence, checking for errors in gramma r, punctua- tion and logical flow. — Read one more time for missed errors. — Send to editor. Read out loud Copyediting is employing a combination of good English skills and simple common sense. Put punctuation where it belongs, remove unnecessary punctuation, eliminate wordiness, make sure sentences make sense, and watch for misspellings, typos and other errors. If the story sounds good when you read it aloud, you are on the right track Copyediting isn’t easy for everyone though. If you do not have a natural eye for errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation, style, etc., you may want to ask someone else to copyedit your story. However, you should copyedit the piece as well, and then compare notes. This helps you hone your copyediting skills as well as your writing skills Do not copyedit immediately after you finish writing your story, put the story down for a bit and come back to it to copyedit. Give your mind a rest.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-28 Before you sit down to copyedit, it is imperative that you have a dictionary, the AP Stylebook, a copy of the Navy Style Guide, your local style guide if you have one and other supporting references with you. This will ensure you are consistent in your copyediting. To help you with your copyediting, here are a few grammar and style rules you won’t nece s- sarily find in the AP Stylebook. Editorializing To report news accurately, you must keep yourself detached from the story. Whether you are doing interviews, writing your story, or conducting research, you must keep your objectivity throug h- out. Your job is present unbiased facts. When you are copyediting, always check for lack of objectivity and editorializing. Don’t forget attribution!
Word Choice Word choice (also known as syntax) in your writing goes hand -in-hand with accuracy, brevity and clarity as well as with SAPP . Therefore, the words you choose should not leave any doubt in your reader’s mind as to what you are saying, nor shoul d they offend or confuse your readers. This is e s- pecially true when writing an accident story or a news feature following an incident, accident or trag e- dy. Some important word choice examples: Death may occur following an operation or during an operation, but not as a result of an op- eration. The latter implies negligence Accidents happen and explosions occur; neither ―takes place,‖ because they are not sche- duled events Ultimately, everyone dies of heart failure, not of a heart ailment A fire is not a conflagration; it’s a fire. A bruise is a bruise, not a contusion, etc. In addition, watch for wordiness and passive sentences. If you see a sentence that begins with ―there is,‖ ―there are,‖ or ―it is,‖ take a second to see if you can rewrite. For example: Unnecessary – There are some recent movies that have become classics already Better – Some recent movies have become classics already. Contradictions Sometimes a writer may contradict himself and not even realize it. For example, what if an MC wrote about a Sailor’s recent promotion to E -4, referring to the Sailor as a 16 -year veteran? With to- day’s high-year tenure regulations, a Sailor should not be a 16-year third class petty officer. This could have been a typographical error or misinformation. Either way , as the copy editor, you should find i n- accurate facts such as this. Incompleteness With experience, an MC will be able to gather all the facts necessary to tell the story . As the copy editor, it is your job to ensure the writer answered all the pertinent questions. Remember the 5 W’s and H, and read the story as if you are the intended audience. If the MC failed to answer que s-
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-29 tions you have, chances are your readers will have the same questions. Return to the MC to complete the story at this time. Proper Names and Figures As discussed several times throughout this manual, accuracy is the key to being a good r e- porter of facts. The copy editor is counting on the writer to have proper names spelled correctly. But, how do you know that the name IS spelled cor rectly? One helpful method to ensure accuracy and avoid confusion is to have the writer draw a box around the name and make tick marks with his or v e- rification of each properly placed letter. This works for statistical data as well. Better safe than sorry! Spelling Mentioned above in your list of ―gotta -have‖ references to have available during copyediting is a dictionary and your style guides. These are a must, because spelling rules have many exceptions, and spell check doesn’t always catch misspellings. Knowing a word’s correct pronunciation will help you when you are looking up the word as well. Punctuation Punctuation serves the same purpose in writing as voice inflection does in speaking. Proper phrasing avoids ambiguity, ensures clarity and often les sens the need for unnecessary punctuation. The AP Stylebook contains a thorough section on punctuation. You should have this section boo k- marked and study it often. Mastering punctuation will go a long way in any writing you do for the Navy. Capitalization Knowing what to capitalize and what not to capitalize is also specific in newswriting. Again, the AP Stylebook and U.S. Navy Style Guide are important tools to help with capitalization. Acronyms and Abbreviations One of the chief complaints of civilian e ditors and Navy family members who read military news is the excessive use of abbreviations and acronyms for titles and organizations. Acronyms and abbreviations (making a word or phrase shorter by leaving out or substituting letters) are used throughout t he military and are necessary when trying to keep your writing brief. Some titles and terms are so long that abbreviation is a must. However, on first reference most acronyms and abbrev- iations must be spelled out. The AP Stylebook and Navy Style Guide cont ain abbreviations and acro- nyms and rules to whether they must be spelled out on first reference. A local style guide is important for your internal audience as well. Remember, brevity is important, but so is clarity. Sentence Structure Words, sentences and paragraphs are the building blocks of writing, and to be a good writer you need to know how to use them to build your stories. Each must be well chosen, effective and grammatically correct with a goal of clarity, emphasis and interest. Sentence Fragment Sentence fragments are incomplete sentences. For a sentence to express a complete thought, it must contain two necessary parts – a subject and a predicate (or verb). It is possible, however, for the subject to be understood, but you should be sure in such cases that the subject is clearly defined.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-30 An incomplete sentence often results from the writer’s failure to recognize that a modifying phrase or clause is really part of another sentence. For example, ―The cruiser was headed east. Steaming through the Caribbean.‖ As a copy editor, however, you may not be aware that the writer, especially in feature writing, is using a fragment purposely, purposely for effect. In this case, the writer should leave a message for you that he or she is doing that. Run-on Sentences Another common error in sentence structure is the punctuation of two or more sentences as if they were one. This usually occurs with sentences that are closely related in thought. For example, ―The ship’s crew had its first swim call, the water was four-miles deep.‖ These are two completely separate thoughts. ―The ship’s crew had its first swim call. The water was four-miles deep.‖ Dangling Modifiers A writer’s misplacement of a modifier will confuse the meaning of a sentence, often with silly results. Modifiers should be positioned close to the words they modify; otherwise, they may seem to modify something else. This error is common when using participles with other adjectives or with a b- verb modifiers. For example, ―Returning to the ship, the package was found on the bunk.‖ In this example, you are saying the package was returning to the ship. A better way would be to say: ―Returning to the ship, he found a package on his rack.‖ The word ―only‖ is also often misplaced. By moving the word around i n a sentence, you can change the sentence’s meaning. Only he could read the unfamiliar dialect (Nobody else could?) He could only read the unfamiliar dialect (He could not write or speak it?) He could read only the unfamiliar dialect (He couldn’t read other dialects?) He could ready the only unfamiliar dialect (Only one dialect was unfamiliar?). Misplaced Correlative Conjunctions Correlative conjunctions, such as not/only, but/ also and either/or, are often misplaced. The correct position is just before the words or groups of words they are connecting. Misplaced – The Navy letter form not only omits the salutation but also the complimentary close Correct – The Navy letter form omits not only the salutation but also the complimentary close. Other frequently used correlative conjunctions are both/and, neither/nor and whether/or.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-31 Split Infinitives Before you can understand what a split infinitive is, you need to know what an infinitive is. An infinitive is a verb paired with the word ―to,‖ like to leave, to run, etc. A split infinitive, then, occurs when you add an adverb between the word ―to‖ and the verb, to quickly leave, to vigorously run, etc. Although many editors stand true to not splitting infinitives, some believe it is necessary for emphasis. Best rule of thumb, however, is to hold to tradition and keep the adverb out of the way. Errors in Agreement As you have read in this section, a sentence is a complete thought when it contains a subject and a verb. This subject and verb must agree with one another in number. For example, if you have a singular noun, you must pair it with a singular verb; with a plural noun, a plural verb. A Sailor runs Sailors run. In a compound subject with ―and‖ as the connector, the sentence takes a plural verb. When you use ―or‖ or ―nor‖ as a connector, the verb should agr ee in number with the last noun in the sub- ject. The propeller and shaft were damaged Neither the propellers nor the rudder was damaged The cat or the dog sleeps on the back porch. Again these are simp le, sentence-construction examples. Most errors in subject -verb agree- ment occur with more complex sentence structures that contain more than one noun. Many writers mistake a noun not acting as the subject as the verb, because the noun is the closest in proximity. Incorrect: The primary duty of the staff dental officers are very similar to that of the district dental officer Correct: The primary duty of the staff dental officers is very similar to that of the district den- tal officer. NOTE: The subject here is “duty,” therefore, the subject must be singular. In addition to errors in subject -verb agreement, many writers have trouble with noun - antecedent agreement. A pronoun is a word we u se to take the place of a noun (he, she, it, they, we, us, them, etc.), and a pronoun functions as a noun. The replaced noun is the antecedent. The ante- cedent controls what number (singular or plural) of pronoun you use. Collective nouns and pronouns cau se error in agreement as well. Collective nouns are nouns that refer to things or people as a unit. Examples are family, class, teams, crew, etc. Collective nouns can be used in both the singular form and the plural form. Singular collective nouns refer to one unit of people or things; they take a singular verb. Plural collective nouns refer to two or more units of people or things, and they take plural verbs. If you are unsure of a sentence’s subject -verb or pronoun -antecedent agreement, break the complex sentence down to its foundation and take it from there.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-32 Gerunds When a verb ends in ―-ing,‖ it may be a gerund or a present participle. It is important to unde r- stand that they are not the same. When we use the –ing verb like a noun, it becomes a gerund: Fish- ing is fun. When we use the –ing verb as a verb or an adjective, it is usually a present participle: John is fishing. John has a boring teacher. The above-mentioned items are but a few grammar and style issues you will run into when writing and editing. Get into your stylebook, your dictionary and other grammar and p unctuation handbooks to help hone your skills. Copyediting vs. Proofreading Copyediting as mentioned above is the tedious, but important, job of going word-by-word, sen- tence-by-sentence, through text to ensure adherence to SAPP and the ABCs of journalism. This process takes place following production of the product, before it is sent to the publisher to be set. Proofreading, on the other hand, is the final check after the article has been set into public a- tion. Traditionally, proofreading was done during review of newspaper galleys (proofs not yet made in- to pages). Final corrections for typos or errors get a final look here. Today, these words are often used synon ymous. Overall, they have the same purpose of e n- suring accuracy. Copyediting/Proofreading Marks When copyediting or proofreading your work or the work of a Shipmate, corrections are made by using copyediting or proofreading marks. Most copyediting marks are universal across newswriting lines. On the next page, you will find one example of copyedit ing marks; however, the AP Stylebook offers another example. Following the copyediting marks, the last page of the chapter contains a chart of proofreading marks from Merriam-Webster. Whatever marks your shop decides to use, keep them consistent. Refer to Figures 5-2 and 5-3.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-33 Copyediting Marks
Figure 5-2, Copyediting Marks.
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MC Basic, Mod. 1: “Introduction to Newswriting”, Chapter 5. Rev. FEB 2011 5-34
Figure 5-3, Proofreaders’ Marks. SUMMARY In this chapter you learned about taking the fundamentals of public aff airs you read about in previous chapters and applying them in writing for publication or broadcast. You also learned that strong writing skills are essential to a successful career as a Navy MC or as an editor of others’ work. In the next chapter, we will move from the news story to accompanying items – headlines and ca p- tions.